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Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 18 months now. I have never loved a woman as much as her. We first ran into each other visiting a tourist attraction, and we bonded over our love of rare comic books. She is my dream woman.
She recently told me she is moving on from me and is ready to date another man. I have told her that I am willing to enter a throuple relationship with her and this man just so I can be with her. Even if it means sharing a bed with another man, I do not care. My love for her knows no bounds. Am I being too desperate? Should I move on? Thank you for the advice.
DESPERATE
A. Addressing the throuple idea first: Is that even on the table? Is this man interested in you, too? (Maybe he is; I have no idea.)
You might be thinking about a non-monogamous relationship where your girlfriend — or you — could have other partners. But let’s not jump to throupling just yet.
I’m all for nontraditional relationships that involve more than two people. For some, a one-on-one romantic partnership, the kind we’ve been taught to believe is “normal,” doesn’t feel good or healthy at all. There are so many other ways to partner with people.
But in your case (sorry, you knew a “but” was coming), you do not want your girlfriend to be with this other person. You don’t want to have to share your partner, right? You’re simply willing to take whatever she’ll give you to keep her around. That’s no good. A “dream woman” wouldn’t require you to scramble, making yourself uncomfortable, to get her to stay.
If she can’t give you what you want, you should let her go. There are many other people who love rare comic books. They gather online and in person ... and in comic book stores. Go find some and let them keep you company.
MEREDITH
READERS RESPOND:
“I have been with my girlfriend for 18 months now.” You mean you WERE with your EX girlfriend for 18 months. You should probably stop referring to your relationship in the present tense because “she recently told me she is moving on from me.” Breaking up doesn’t require your consent. Whenever she said that to you is the moment you two stopped being a couple.
BONECOLD
No woman is worth sharing with other men. Make a list of all her bad traits. Be honest. There are definitely some. No revisionist history here. Nothing good should be on that list. Every time you miss her look at that list. You don’t need her. You don’t want someone who doesn’t want you back and who has all those bad traits. Do not let yourself think about anything good. She’s garbage now. Think of her as such. Cut her off completely.
WISEUP-
She is moving on from you, and did not ask you to move on with her. Consider her your one that got away, and let her get away.
CUPPAJOESEATTLE
“I have never loved a woman as much as her. We bonded over our love of rare comic books. She is my dream woman.” You’re a lovesick puppy. The breakup will hurt, very badly. After you pick yourself up and dust yourself off, learn not to fall so hard so fast.
HARRISBSTONE
She may be your dream woman but you clearly are not her dream man. She said she is moving on, neither she nor the other man said they want you in their relationship. It’s a breakup, accept it.
SOMEWHEREINMA-
Comic Cons are back from the pandemic so you should be able to meet new women for a little cosplay.
FRUMIOUSBANDERSNATCH
Even if it means sharing a bed with another man, I do not care. My love for her knows no bounds. Am I being too desperate? Should I move on?” Yes ... and yes.
BKLYNMOM
Send your own relationship and dating questions to loveletters@globe.com. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.
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July 04, 2021 at 09:00PM
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Willing to enter a ‘throuple’ relationship for her - The Boston Globe
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